Time Spent Alone

I grew up thinking that I do not want to be alone... I am making a change to that statement!

The times that I thought that I will always be fine with people. That people need to energize me, that I need not to be alone. I see something wrong... Well I feel the wrong in that statement I mean.

Over the past weeks and months I have seen that the more I try to get myself some alone time the more I find myself surrounded with people. The more I try to say I am fine being alone and at home for a change the more my friends say no they will help. Is this wrong? I think not! But what I do think is that I need to be me more. I need to find myself more... I am holding my breath because of the times I find myself doubting what I always believed to be true. I find myself getting the answers to questions that I have always had answered in my life and those answers differ from what I was thought.

I am busy losing myself in what I am and not busy growing in who I am! I find it very important that I be strong and hard with those trying to change me to their standards and to there way of doing things.

I am me! I want to be me! I want to make my own decisions with my own consequences. This is how I thought myself not the other way around. Not to get me wrong I love what I have and who I am and just need me more! More of my uniqueness, more of my humor, more of my time!

This all seems to be very messy and this all seems to be very badly written. But all of that you see is what I feel in myself now. A messy time has passed a muddy time where I still struggle to see myself in.

I will be me no matter what. God let your will be apparent in my life.